


How Can I

by RadioactivePaws



Series: Heathers One Shots [3]
Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Heather doesnt know how to handle feelings, heather panicking a bit, its chansaw but like theyre not together and its mostly just
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-27 18:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19386793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadioactivePaws/pseuds/RadioactivePaws
Summary: Heather isn’t supposed to be made weak by anyone but when Veronica Sawyer looks her way, she can’t help the way her heart stutters





	How Can I

**Author's Note:**

> This was a one shot request by UselessLesbean!
> 
> It’s a bit of a mess and isn’t as intensely angsty as I was going to do but I might continue this as a full on story instead of just Heather’s thoughts/perspective
> 
> Also this wasn’t beta’d so I apologize for any mistakes!

It isn’t supposed to be this way.

She always figured she was just above them all. Rightfully so. When no boys caught her eye in elementary school, she knew it was because she just wanted to make friends with Heather and Heather. In middle school, she knew it was because she was already building her walls and her rule. 

When high school came, Heather knew that these people didn’t interest her at all. Sure, she was protective, even possessive, over the other Heathers, but everyone else just settled as building blocks in her leadership. 

Kurt and Ram were fun, in a silly kind of way, but she didn’t need to mess around with them to control them. No, secrets she held from childhood that she knew how to twist into blackmail held that control easily. Well, that and they’d all known each other just as long as the Heathers all knew each other.

Heather and Heather could fuck around with those two all they wanted but she had bigger worries. 

Like how to manage her status, who she needed to knock down a peg, keeping the sky up like a teenage bitch atlas. 

She had to worry about how one person drew her eye. One singular person in that whole town caught her interest. 

Since they were just kids, she found Veronica Sawyer intriguing. Then when everyone around her started to have crushes and whisper about who was dating who, all Heather Chandler could focus on was how Veronica Sawyer made her heart flip. 

So she did what she does best. She boxed it all up, shoved it away and overcompensated. Instead of trying to talk to Veronica, she started to pick on the one person really close to her. 

Martha Dunstock was just the right person to get her anger out on. While she never did much beyond name calling and rumor spreading, Heather knew it would be enough for the time being.

Then she just had to be in that damn bathroom.

Everything that had been locked away burst free the moment Veronica came to their swift rescue. One little forged note and Heather’s cheeks flushed, her heart raced, and she had to focus on making sure her hands didn’t shake when she helped Veronica with her new makeup. 

That night she’d screamed into her pillow until her voice went hoarse. Her nails dug into her palms as she punched the bed, wanting to punch a wall but not wanting to let anyone know she was so close to cracking.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. She’s the child of two, admittedly, neglectful but incredibly rich parents who gave her anything she asked for. They didn’t ask anything of her in return, well other than don’t get pregnant before college, but she knew this wouldn’t go over well.

Not when boys did nothing to make her pulse jump but Veronica sawyer made her want to stop hiding away. 

Spending her nights crying and nursing glasses of wine wasn’t exactly the prime of a so called demon queen’s life, but it was really all she could do. 

Hooking up with a stupid college boy wasn’t her best plan but it helped to distract her. He’d invited her to a party and instead of going with the group, she’d gone alone. 

She’d nearly chickened out, when fear spiked in her chest as he led her upstairs. Then she swallowed it back, locking it all away once more, and plastered on the fakest smile she’d ever used. It sucked, she hated it and it just reinforced what she’d already known. 

No one really made her feel like Veronica did. 

After she got home that weekend she’d called a meeting with Heather and Heather, breaking down as she pleaded for help. Help with how to handle things and what she could do about Veronica.

This wasn’t something she could do alone anymore. Not after that disastrous mistake.

For all she feared Duke would do, she instead hugged her and whispered that if any other boy tried anything with her after this she’d break his face. McNamara had simply pulled them both into a group hug, humming until Chandler calmed down and then offering to cook some comfort food while they planned. 

After that, with two supportive friends and a heart that felt so much heavier and lighter at once, Heather focused on trying to just get closer to Veronica.

She had two obstacles in her path: Veronica seemed to believe she was barely human and she seemed to have taken a liking to the new boy who already had a burning hatred for Heather.

The first problem had the beginnings of an easy fix. When Veronica asked them to back off of Martha, to not have her give the note over, Heather complied. She groaned and sneered to keep her image but she tore it up. The light in Veronica’s eyes, the thankful sparkle there, made everything worth it. 

Jason fucking Dean was a whole other story.

Meeting up at Veronica’s house before the party Kurt and Ram were throwing was the highlight of Heather’s week. She’d started to warm up to Chandler, smiling more and letting Heather let her walls down bit by bit. 

So spending a whole afternoon together, where Heather got Veronica to play a question game so they could learn about one another, was practically heaven. 

She was happier than she’d been in so long. Everything Veronica did made her heart race but now she welcomed the feeling. 

Whenever their hands would brush or Veronica would laugh at something she said, Heather had to pause a moment to catch her breath. Each time she asked a question that was an obvious way to try to understand Heather better, she had to make sure her eyes didn’t mist. 

Veronica Sawyer finally wanted to get to know Heather Chandler and she couldn’t believe her luck.

Then they stopped at that damn 7-11 on the way and she had to watch as Veronica smiled that gentle smile at that boy, how he seemed to hold her attention so easily and how she didn’t seem to hold any bad opinions or reservations about him.

She had to take a moment to box it all back up, to clench her eyes shut and remember that this would all take time. To remember that in the end, she may never get Veronica as anything more than a friend.

When Veronica finally ran back out, giving her a half hearted apology, Heather bit her lip so hard she could taste blood. She couldn’t push on this issue, she couldn’t insult JD and expect Veronica to just be okay with that.

Not when they’d finally made steps forward, she couldn’t erase all of that. 

Finding Duke and McNamara quickly was easy, getting them to stop asking questions and to just give her massive amounts of alcohol was harder. Eventually, they backed off a little and just watched her, McNamara staying fairly sober as she danced with Chandler. 

Duke left at one point but Heather and Heather figured she was finding something else to drink.

When she returned twenty minutes later, without a drink and looking both pissed and guilty, they didn’t question her much. Chandler just figured she’d run into the boys and they’d said something stupid, as they usually did.

It wasn’t until Monday, when Veronica gave her a look so gentle it made her chest ache did she think Heather may have done something stupid. 

That night she’d screamed into her pillow again, only this time, it was a mixture of mild panic and excitement.

Whatever Heather said to Veronica seemed to jolt her in some way. She wasn’t watching her like she could turn on her any moment anymore. No, now Veronica looked at her in ways that had her nearly tripping in the halls and running into the bathroom door. 

So maybe things were slow going and maybe she sometimes still spent her nights with wine as she cried out her feelings, but Heather figured things could be worse.

Veronica Sawyer was intriguing and still a bit of a mystery to her but she didn’t feel the need to cage her heart anymore. Not when Veronica seemed to want to get to know her too and, especially not when Veronica blew off JD to spend the weekend with her. 

Maybe things were supposed to be like this.


End file.
